Tired But Ready

11/12/05

I am awake. I am alive. I am clean. I am hungry. I am not tired but I am so tired. Tired of my thin collapsing child's mattress and sleeping bag and my Mexican blanket for a pillow. Tired of heavy food. Tired of people asking, begging, needing. Tired of having to say No. Tired of obstacles. Tired. Tired even of mashed bananas (though they are made perfectly this morning.)

I'm so tired but I am awake, ready to start another day, another simple, hellish day. Ready for hard awkward situations, ready to feel dwarfed by the enormity of the world's troubles, ready to feel helpless, even while I am helping. Ready to have 1000 people look at me like I can solve all their problems, and ready to see the pain and disappointment, the sadness creep back into their eyes when they finally realize that I cant.

I'm tired but I'm ready.

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