Sheik

10/27/05

That was awesome. On the way back from Migori, on a Matatu with Robert, I sat down next to a real crazy looking guy. He had a strange head wrap and a big bushy beard that went bright red at the tips. He was a big guy, and if this were the States I would've guessed he was an old punk rocker or a Hells Angel. Turns out he is a Muslim Sheik, Ahmed. We started talking and I gingerly steered the conversation to religion. He is a fundamentalist, yet somehow pretty progressive. We talked at length about the similarities between the different religions; he really believed that a true Muslim was a true Christian was a true Jew. That the Torah and Bible and Koran were interchangeable. That what God revealed to Moses is what he revealed to Christ is what he revealed to Mohammad. I asked him why he thought so many wars occurred over religion and he said, "that is because God gave man freedom, even the freedom to choose wrong." He asked me if I thought the Bible could be a country's constitution, I told him that I hadn't ever thought of that, I threw the question back at him. He said, "It is not something I think, it is something I know." He was a very articulate and levelheaded guy. But then we got to talking about women's rights and gay marriage, and our opinions diverged greatly. Eventually he told me that the reason that the hurricanes have been hitting the US is because God is angry with us for tolerating liberal women and homosexuality. I asked about the hurricanes in East Asia and Mexico and he said, well you don't see it happening here in Africa. And then I asked about famine and HIV/AIDS and didn't he believe that came from God? And he said No. And I wanted to press on but we had reached my stop, and I had to get off. But it was totally cool, we wished each other well and it was one of those, 'I cant believe I was just sitting in the back of a Matatu, talking to a 70 year old Muslim sheik about gay marriage.'

We were in Migori to interview Robert's sister, who just tested positive for HIV. Her CD4 count was 35. She is still very down. She just lay on the couch and talked and gave very honest answers, especially when Robert left the room for a while. I was especially proud of myself for asking if the knowledge of her status made her think differently about her late husband, and she said Yes, she felt betrayed because he never told her even though he must've known. After the interview she excused herself very politely, walked into the interior of the house, and started vomiting profusely. The sound of her retching literally shook the whole house, and went on and on for almost an hour. It was pretty tough to sit there. And to make matters worse, her house girl served Robert and I lunch in the middle of it, so there we are with a plate full of ugali and veggies and little chunks of beef, eating with our hands, listening to her wretch and wretch. Robert would go and check on her, come back…

I'm feeling terrible. So discouraged. Its because I watched Pandemic: Facing AIDS last night. And its good. And I cant do that. And what am I doing? And is it worth anything? This isn't going to be a movie. The project in Kanga isn't going to change anything, not while I'm here, and I'm going to go back home and everything I've learned and felt is going to fade, and fuck that. Africa will get pushed farther and farther back in my head, the doc will go nowhere, does nothing, people are disappointed, hate me, I wasted the money they gave me to do this…

Conversely, maybe the project helps like it's supposed to. Maybe the doc is better than I'm able to give it credit for. Maybe I don't fall back into old traps, old habits.

And then, in the big picture, does it fucking matter?

Of course it does/doesn't. Of course. Who cares? How could someone not care?

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